FFFFFFFFFFFor heavens sake BT

The MP has pushed it. It's all so ridiculously inefficient that I have my own complaints officer. Last weekend things finally were almost looking optimistic, and when a BT installation engineer arrived on Monday I was almost excited. He came. He left as the other engineers in another department at Open Reach hadn't done their job.
Tuesday. Word that the other BT Open Reach engineers would try to get on the case that week.
Wednesday. The other engineers said there was no capacity to add another line or broadband anyway. It all had to go to the Planning department.
Thursday. The Planning department said that perhaps I might be able to have a landline but broadband was not currently possible.
The complaints officer (in NOrthern Ireland, not of course local) can't talk direct to anyone at BT Open Reach it appears. He has to wait for word from a case officer somewhere. He can't update me because no one is updating him.
The MPs office can't push any further as the case is apparently already highest priority or highest escalation or something or other.

SO. It appears that nothing can be done. Or rather than no-one is willing to do anything. I am seriously annoyed about it all. And don't want to be having to waste so much time on it. And would really like to be able to pick up and send emails from my office rather than via the dongle from the one upstairs windowsill that has a mobile signal.

Everyone else in the village has phones and most have broadband. We used to have a phone and broadband in this house when my mother lived here and I only had that taken off nine months ago when we were hoping someone else would buy the house. We are not right out in the sticks in an inaccessible area. BT just are the most horrible horrible horrible organisation to try and deal with and I seem to have failed comprehensively.

Meanwhile. Today I receive another missive from BT telling me that my line and broadband (which do not and have not existed) are going to be cut off today because I owe them £255.67 as I have ordered for the line to be discontinued before the end of the contract. Where on earth do they get this all from.....

Regarding the way BT charge; I already had to pay a huge bill for the last phone line as they messed everything up there and the only way to keep any line at all going was to pay some huge bill which I was sure I did not owe, but they would have cut off the little service that was left if payment wasn't made. Instantly. They never sent me an itemised bill, I didn't even know what they were charging for.  I eventually get on to this complaints officer chappie about it and the bill was reduced by £140. I still haven't  ever seen that bill, nor had the refund.

Marvellous.

No phone.
No broadband.
No imminent hope of broadband from BT it seems.

So do I have to go down the satellite route, which costs a lot of money per connection and call? Will BT pay for that as they have so comprehensively let me down?

HELP NEEDED!